I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
