Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
