I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
