if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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