i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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