im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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