Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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