My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
