So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
