Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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