Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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