The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I need to stop coming to work sober
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
