Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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