his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
