I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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