You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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