pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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