The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
