I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
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Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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