I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
