she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
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STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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