so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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