Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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