I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
