You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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