You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
