Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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