sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
