you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
