Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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