OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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