So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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