he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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