Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
