now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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