u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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