Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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