My first STD was from a foam party
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
