Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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