i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
birth control should be required to get into college
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
