The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
