Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
