What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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