I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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