wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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