Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
