I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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