If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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