Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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