I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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