i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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