he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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