I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
