ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You made out with two different species that night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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