its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
