Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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