Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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