What a fucking waste of an outfit
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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