My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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