Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
