did you get engaged???
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
