if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
