I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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