I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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