I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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