she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
