i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
