is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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