Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
