3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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